In the dating process, you are only getting to know the other person. There's no commitment at this level. BOTH parties are observing one another & spending time only to determine if they would like to see one another again.
Dating shouldn't be months or years.
A few weeks and that's enough to make a decision on whether or not to move into the courtship phase, a commitment. I chose you, you choose me. It's not complicated when both people are seriously desiring love, union and partnership.
Most people haven't been taught HOW to properly date and their self esteem isn't strong enough to end things that are undefined. They're hopping in and out of situations with multiple people planting ill seeds due to no training and/or guidance. They end up intentionally or unintentionally leading people on or worse, they become the "victim" who fail to meet their true partner and have false hope in a situationship that can last for years.
That's not dating... that's playing.
Other signs of low self esteem - going through drama with someone who has not defined your place in their life. What's wrong with this?
Sometimes women and men commit to a person before they have committed to them. They begin prematurely doing things to prove their love or win the person's love and attention. This is low self esteem and too much, too soon. That's how people get "played" and get their feelings hurt.
Why go through so much with a person that you aren't committed to?
There's no agreement between the two of you. Now is the time to exit unless you like playing games, low frequency interactions and drama keeps you feeling validated in some way. Forget unrequited love and never being "the one" chosen. This type of victim mindset will have a person repeating the same patterns until their self esteem & confidence grows.
Enough is Enough
In dating, there's no working it out as if in a marriage. Tarrying and long suffering with the other individual, in Hope's getting them to level up. Low self esteem begs, nags, pleads, controls, manipulates, guilt trip and pity party for love. See how dating is at a person's level of self esteem? What's your self esteem level?
Dating is to see who they are, not make them who you want them to be.
If it's not a match and/or both parties do not feel the same about one another, be okay with moving on. That's dating... it's like applying for a job. It's the interview not an offer for employment.
If the dating experience "interview" didn't go well, apply for a different position w/someone else. Keep going until it's a match! Be intentional, Be conscious, Be smart in dating.
Self esteem is essential in having a positive dating experience and aligning with someone who will make the commitment and move into courtship.
Only then will the two of you begin the process of blending your lives together and moving towards engagement, and then to marriage. Yes there's levels to this.
Peace, Love & Blessings.
- Amanda 💙💙💙
SPEAKER | WRITER | COACH